Love Is Loss – And Other Lies From Modern Culture

I love our house. I loved her from the moment I saw it online. If there was no such thing as “love at first sight, it would apply to me with this house. This is the house I dreamed about my whole life and when we drove up the road for the first time I told my husband: “I will do everything for this house.” It’s not ideal, but it’s perfect for us, and not a day goes by without a whispered prayer of gratitude for the blessings of living here.

There was a period when we thought that we could not stay here, and I’ll tell you, I never liked the house so much as at that stage. Pain is my love and potential loss was so searing that he sent his thanks and appreciation to the almost ecstatic overload. Wherever I looked I saw a memory and a piece of beauty, and my heart broke at the thought that we could leave him behind. I was able to keep anticipatory grief in the future (we have our health and loving family is the most important thing), but I still felt disappointed … and more in love with this house than ever.

If you’re in the throes of anxiety involved, and suffers from issues such as: “Do I love him / her enough?” I’m really in love? ” I hope you are doing a parallel between the degree of my love = potential loss of history and their love story. We live in a culture that promotes the belief that drama equals love, and without drama – which basically means that you’re not quite sure if the other person is really in a relationship – you are conditioned not to feel the passion. Here is a romantic theology in our culture (like the geometry of the proof):

Love equals passion
Passion is the uncertainty
Uncertainty equals drama
Drama is the probability of loss
Possibility of loss is equal to the love

It is only in retrospect, when my gratitude blunted (still there but not that ecstatic brilliance of clarity) that I understand that I have experienced in these few months. Without the threat of impending loss plan in my mind, I must make a concerted effort to see and appreciate where we live. It’s just the way my clients describe: “I take it for granted I always knew that the relationship was solid, but it was only after he proposed and I knew with certainty that he was not going anywhere, that I began questioning if. that’s what I really want. It’s like, until there was an element of uncertainty, no matter how small, she was pleased that place in me that needs to be secret or possibility of loss of feel in love. “

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